"So I was just over here minding my business and…"
– I have never been a fan of Mondays. Today was not bad. Not great, but I got through it. Somehow.
– I have been carrying around an uneasy feeling for about three weeks. Sometimes it feels like heartache. Sometimes, nausea. I really wish it would go away. I have tried to pray it away but it keeps resurfacing. Perhaps I need to take the kabbashing up a notch…
– Someone on my street has been celebrating their 40th birthday since early afternoon. First, it was really loud prayers over speakers and now, party. On a Monday… I can’t shout.
– My car stopped working last Thursday. It had quite a swim during the day and I guess by evening, decided it wasn’t about that life. Mechanic called money that made me see red. SO…Yours truly is now moving around in a borrowed vehicle. At least, I am not worried about the car overheating in traffic…
– I’ve been told to write about my weight loss. I’m not entirely sure I want to. Yet.
I’m not done i.e. my goal is still a little way away. Also, it’s tough to have to accept that human beings are extremely mean and shallow. By writing it all down, I will have to come to terms with this horrid, horrid fact.
– I don’t know what to do with all my clothes. They are becoming a nuisance. I have a fear of keeping them and putting the weight back on so they have to go.
– Have you ever been called a sociopath? No? Well, I have. I apparently have sociopath tendencies. I am too controlled, they said. I know I’m extremely deliberate in everything. I don’t vent my frustrations enough or I try not to in public. I deal with emotional difficulties differently. I also never show that after the initial incident and the “dealing with” that I am bothered by the incident. Apparently, this is too controlled and may be somewhat weird. My explanation: I refuse to let anyone SEE that they have any power over how I feel beyond isolated incidents. I will deal with my mess privately. If that makes me a sociopath, then so be it. This life has shown me waaayyyyyyyy too much pepper.
– Sitting down with a friend today and talking about relationships made me finally accept (albeit internally) that perhaps I AM ready to be married. I have been in denial for a long time. It has always been a “if it comes along, great. If it doesn’t, great” situation for me. Lately, I have been thinking about it a lot more. This also made me realize what I can/cannot, will/will not accept in a “rest of my life” situation (see point two about “uneasy feeling”…)
– Is this the age where every conversation ends up on the topic of marriage? ‘Cause uhm…stop it y’all. As much as I’ve accepted the idea, I don’t want to talk about it all the time. I’m trying to pick up food – Marriage talk. I’m at work – Oh so, any man? Family members – Look, I won’t even start.
Anyway, I get it. However, direct all your enquiries upward. He’s in charge and quite frankly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
– The desire to be successful and make a formidable name for myself in my chosen industry is gnawing at my heart in a way that I fear may consume me. We must make it.
– Too many people walking around with undiagnosed, unmedicated mental health issues. We need to drop the stigma so people can get the help they need. Too many ticking time bombs…
– As I think, so I am. Reminded myself today: I am LOVED. I am WHOLE. I am ENOUGH. Affirmation for the week.